Our Team Members

Matt, Director

Enjoys the art of selfies & excessive Facebook storyposting. One day, when he’s old enough, he’d like to pursue his dream of speaking to someone in person rather than leaving a Whatsapp Voicenote.

  • Networking

    99

  • Sunbed

    12 minutes

  • Flatulence

    100

  • No. of Children

    Unknown

Tod, Senior Manager

Although superior to his peers in every possible way, Tod is a humble individual and doesn’t like to make a point of other people’s incompetency. In a previous life he believes he was an octopus, which would explain why he’s so good at doing everything at once.

  • Sex

    Yes please

  • Technical Skills

    100

  • Australian No. 1s

    1

  • Gingerness

    50%

Kate, Administrator

Since an early age, Kate has been trying to perfect her recipe for a herbal remedy that not only guarantees her punctuality, but also doesn’t taste repulsive. She is yet to achieve either.

  • Alchemy

    100

  • Wheat Tolerance

    0

  • Lentil Recipes

    72

  • Herbs Consumed

    Unknown

Patrice, Accounts Secretary

Hailing from South Africa, Patrice was the head of breakdance troupe, ‘The Biltong B Boys’. Retiring in the early 90s due to a worm related injury, she is now restricted to finger dancing and toe tapping.

  • Reliability

    100

  • Spicy Food Tolerance

    0

  • Energy Drinks Consumed

    17,000

  • Dance Moves

    Unlimited

Luke, Senior Manager

Although yet to hit puberty, this beast of a boy makes the perfect windbreak which means he is great value for money and convenient. Born with transparent skin, he possesses the skill of blending in with his surroundings despite his enormousness.

  • Water Retention

    100

  • Sun Cream Factor

    100

  • Height

    6.5

  • Shoe Size

    13

Gabi, PA to Director

Originating from Lithuania, Gabi has only been captured smiling once, the rest of the time she is known to have mastered the “resting bitch face”. Gabi is a woman of few words who is a consummate professional at killing the conversation dead.

  • Languages

    2

  • Obsessiveness

    100

  • Phone Manner

    1

  • Driving Skills

    0

Jon, Logistics Manager

Born within a warehouse, Jon is only happy if he is surrounded by boxes and bubble wrap. Originally from South East London, one day he hopes to open his own restaurant specialising solely in Eel inspired dishes.

  • Driving Skills

    ?

  • Height

    4.8

  • Resourcing

    99

  • Fizzy Drink Consumption

    100